thoughts on dating, marriage, and the opposite sex...ok a lot of thoughts!

So, I know I've already posted one blog about loveish, but I have a lot of theories about dating and the such.  I do not want to give off the impression that I know everything...lets just say I know what NOT to do.  

We have had women's and men's chapel this last week, and I never really like them.  They are SO cliche, for the girls anyways.  I think it is ALWAYS about the Proverbs 31 woman, as if we don't have anything else that applies to us!  This is what goes on:

1. dress modestly

2. this is how you know if he is a godly man or not

Those are the 2 subjects they talk about.  THATS IT!!  Nothing about how we are to pursue God with our whole hearts, or trusting Him with everything and being wrapped up in the Lord.  We just know if the 'man' we are currently dating this week is a God-centered man or not(and he usually isn't...but we still don't break up with him...cause he WILL change).  But honestly, I'm tired of the bar being lowered, for us girls.  When I get out of those chapels, I feel like I have NO purpose.  I feel that what they are telling us is something I've been told since I was in Jr. High(and I don't like to really remember my jr. higher days).  

Last weeks women's chapel was different.  It was better, but I still think it could have used a little improvement.  I do think that modesty is key.  We cannot ignore the fact that every supermarket has pornography on the cover of magazines in the checkout lines.  As sisters in Christ to our Brothers in Christ, we need to make ever effort to promote modesty and help them in any way possible.  I remember my dad teaching my brother about these immodest(and dangerous) women.  He would call them 'sharks'.  And that was their secret code. 

And yes, the other aspect is important as well: how to spot a God-centered man.  I do agree that my choices in the past have not been for the God-centered man(although, that is what I want more than ever now).  I would justify and force him into the pattern, but I was lying to myself.  BUT, I do think that we sit in those chapels and think of the 'possible one' and do a check on him and if he is meeting all of the standards that they present us with.  In the end...we lie to ourselves.  Or, we think that he is trying to become this man...when essentially, he has no intention of changing.  

This problem stems from us, as women/girls of the Lord do not have a firm foundation of who we are in Christ.  How are Godly women supposed to act?  Are we supposed to be like the women we see on TV who throw themselves on every guy that gives them a smile?  Or who can make them laugh?  NO, our identity is not found in the man.  It is found in Christ!  

I do understand that a lot of girls do not have Godly women surrounding them, pointing them to the Lord, but this is why this generation has to stand up and teach the younger ones how to act as a woman who is zealous for the Lord.

We have to be content in the Lord before we ever get into a relationship.  I am so guilty of not doing this, and that is why my relationships in the past have failed.  The reason for marriage is to glorify the Lord.  That is the sole purpose.  The joy we receive from it is an aspect that the Lord has interwoven into marriage, but He created it to glorify Himself.  And it is glorifying to Him the most, when we are most satisfied in Him(John Piper).  

There are some great Godly men out there, but not the first one we see is the one who we should marry...and that is why I think the 'ring by spring' motto is so heavy in the Christian Colleges.  We finally meet someone who loves the Lord, but that doesn't mean, as girls we jump at the first chance we get.  We get involved with someone so quickly, without seeing their character.  Is he mature?  Is he willing to serve?  Is he whole-heartedly committed to the Lord(this one we can say a quick yes to, but have you seen that in him?)  What do other people say about him?  How do you see his character in the way he lives his life?  Does he have direction?  Will he be a good father?  

We need to raise the bar on our expectations of the men around us.  Not only as possible future husbands, but as Godly Christian men.  We need our men in America(and around the world) to stand up for the truth.  They can't be cowards...we don't need any more cowards.  I have met some great guys here at CBU who are seeking the Lord whole-heartedly.  They have encouraged me and pushed me as a Christian.  Thats who I want to be surrounded by.  I want Godly Christian Guy-friends who treat me(as a friend) with respect and honor, because ultimately how they act with me(as a friend) will help prepare them for how they will honor their wives.  

I was reading in Ephesians the other day and discussing submission with a few of my guy friends.   First of all, let me say that submission is an amazing thing and is one of the greatest commands we have as women.  We were talking about how submission is supposed to look like in a dating relationship and what the role of the guy was to lead in that submission.  First, we are supposed to submit to each other in Christ as Christians(without the dating context) and secondly I think a lot of the time we get 'submission' and 'servanthood' mixed up.  One of my friends told a story of the wife doing dishes in the kitchen and the husband is sitting on the couch telling her that he would die for her.  She then exclaims, "I don't need you to die for me, I need you to do the dishes!"  I think this is such a perfect example of this misconception.  The man is to love the wife as much as the wife is to submit.  Submission is an act of letting the leader lead.  Supporting him in that decision and following after him.  This is what the man is to do.  I think submission is hard for a lot of women because the husband doesn't love her the way she is supposed to be loved(which stems from my whole point of the girls not raising the bar of how men are to act toward them while we are younger) and then the wife just takes over.  The man becomes dependent on her taking care of everything.  Submission is such a great thing and I think that we, as women, miss the importance and the gift of submission.  We don't have to worry about leading a family.  I want so much for my husband to be the leader and for me to help him and support his leadership to show an example to our children.  

My last point I want to cover is in Ephesians 5:25-26.  Please bear with me:)

The text says: 

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless." 

The husband is to love their wives JUST AS Christ's love for the church SO THAT He might sanctify her, and present her to Himself without blemish.  So, although only Christ can make clean and present her blameless unto God, the man is supposed to love in this sanctifying manner(which means to dedicate to God).  He is to keep her heart completely the Lords.  She is not the man's, she is God's.  She has such great purpose as a woman of the Lord.  So WHY on earth do we think we need to find that Godly man NOW!  As College students, we need to be thinking what can I do for the Lord right now, while I'm single.  Because, although you can do a lot for the Lord in a marriage context with another person, there are things you can do for the Lord, being single, that you cannot do in when you are married.  

Let us live for the Lord whole-heartedly, without depending on a relationship with another person, but let our only focus be pleasing the Lord and reflecting His Character.  The Lord has great plans for us NOW!  It would be detrimental to miss the things He has for us, and what He wants to teach us.